Living Christian

This morning at church the pastor talked about how we are adopted by God into His family. Every Christian has an adoption story to tell, and lately I’ve had this feeling that I need to share my adoption story, so here it goes. I grew up going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and I accepted Christ into my life and got baptized in 2nd or 3rd grade. Then I continued living. Nothing changed. In 7th grade during dnow something began to click. Life wasn’t about me, which wasn’t exactly something I actually believed before then, but I didn’t live for anything meaningful. I started to view life in a bigger picture kind of perspective and I knew that I needed to put my identity in something rather than just myself. This, however, was dangerous without knowing how to put my all into something. I thought that I was being a great Christian. I tried not to sin, and I had some awesome fellow Christian friends. I also hung out with some other non-Christians, but my goal in that was to share God with them, or to be honest I kind of tried to shove the Gospel down their throats. I thought I had it all, and boy did that change fast. Beginning in 9th grade I saw my friendships falling apart. Nothing was going my way. I was getting left out, my friends didn’t run up to me and hug me like they did to their other friends, and I didn’t know what to do. The next year totally changed my life. My 10th grade year was horrific, but most people didn’t know that. My friends had changed interests, that’s all I’ll say on here, but it seemed like they no longer wanted to be my friends, and my entire world fell apart. I cried almost daily. I didn’t know what to do. There were so many birthday parties that I wasn’t invited to, which for my 10th grade self I cared a whole lot about that. I went to my mom for everything, but even then she couldn’t completely console me. I wanted to go to my discipleship group and talk to them about it, which if any of y’all are reading this please forgive me but this is how I felt almost three years ago, but they were the ones who were making my life miserable. I had absolutely no idea where to go or who to go to. Then something hit me, and it hit me really hard. I had an idol: my friends. This terrified me because I always thought that that sin wasn’t something I would ever have to deal with. “Thou shalt make no idols before me,” yeah I’ve got that, I’m not about to worship anything or anyone else besides God. But I was wrong, I had an idol. Then I finally figured out who to go to for comfort and advice. God was there for me. He helped me forgive those people who had hurt me, which was a really big thing for me to get over because they had hurt me a lot. I still struggle with having faith in other people and trusting them because of this experience, but God has been slowly taking those walls down and rebuilding me. I refocused my life on Him rather than my friends. God became my one and only god. I do believe that I became a saved child of God back when I asked Him into my life 10 years ago, but I still held on to my sins without realizing it, but now I truly know God and follow Him every day of my life. No, I’m not perfect, I can’t be perfect, but I have been adopted by God through Jesus’ death and resurrection. I don’t deserve it at all though. I used to be a slave to sin, but now I am a child of the King, and that fact is amazing to think about. And now that I am about to move to Auburn in a little under two weeks I’ve been thinking back on my life. Every person that has been in my life, no matter if they were in my life for a day or for 13+ years, has changed and shaped my life into the person I am today. I might have been mean or rude to you, I might not have liked you, or I might have loved you, but if I ever acted non-Christ like to you, and I know I have to so many people, I apologize with complete sincerity to you. I’m a sinner and I have made some rough mistakes in my life, but I’m not afraid to admit that. But now, I thank everyone for contributing to my life, y’all are awesome even if I didn’t make you feel that way when you were in my life. I used to wish that certain things in my life could have not happened, like my heartache with my friends, but looking back, I know that without those experiences I would not be as in love with Christ as I am now. Everything happened for a reason, and each time they pointed me toward God. I have changed so much in the past few years, and I pray that God will continue to transform my life everyday. A few months ago I read a tweet or something that said something to the effect of “If you look at your life from one year ago and aren’t ashamed of who you were, then you haven’t grown any” and I completely believe that. When I look at my life one year ago I am embarrassed of how I acted, actually when I look at my life just a few months ago I am embarrassed of how I acted. That’s how life is though, we change and we learn, just like I said in my last blog post. But the thing is, it doesn’t matter who I was yesterday, it only matters who I am today at this moment. Right now in this moment I am an adopted child of God, and because that’s what I am now, that can never and will never change. Once adopted by Christ, we will forever be His. And since we are adopted by Him, our lives will change. It is impossible to truly be His child if we continue to live happily and contently in sin. As His child we will want to change and be more like Him. God detests sin and so should we, and that’s what it looks like to be in love with Christ.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light” Ephesians 5:8 ESV

So that’s my adoption story, and God continues to update it everyday. I still sin, and I try to change that, but the thing is since I’m human I will never completely stop sinning until I take my last breath, but God forgives me of my sins every single day. I’m so excited to see where God takes me as I continue to live in His light and His plan for my life. So last thing, as Christians we are called to share our story with others, not to brag but to help encourage others and show the God’s power, so I challenge everyone who’s reading this to share your story with someone. Ask God to bring someone into your life who you can share your testimony with, and He’ll do it. He is all powerful and He will never fail, so as I pray for God to send someone to me, or maybe even this blog, I ask that you’ll do the same.

Simetimes people do things that they regret, and sometimes other people won’t forgive those people of what they did. Sometimes it’s hard to accept people when you know what kinds of “bad things” they’ve done, but sometimes those people are crying out for your acceptance. One of my downfalls is that since I’ve lived such a sheltered life I tend to look down on people who’ve sinned in ways that I never could imagine myself doing, but that mentality is so wrong and so sinful. No matter what we as humans do, God still loves, accepts, and forgives us, and that’s one thing I’ve been working on really hard lately. As a Christ follower I need to strive to be more and more like Him everyday, which means loving sinners. I am a sinner, we are all sinners. We all desire to be loved, so why is it so hard for me to truly accept some people for their sins and all? It’s because I am stuck in a rut of sin, ironic right? So first, there are three types of sinners in the world (in my opinion), the kind that lives in sin and doesn’t realize it, the kind that lives in sin and realizes it but doesn’t care to change, and the kind that sins, realizes it, and turns away from that sin. At times we can be all three types, even after we begin to follow Christ, but the most dangerous type of sinning is when we realize that we’re sinning but don’t care to change. This is blatantly going against God, and we’re pretty much telling Him, “I don’t care what You say because I know what’s best for me.” That is the biggest lie in history. We cannot possibly know what’s best for us because we can’t see the big picture of our lives and we’re currently living in a sin filled world where sin looks desirable and fun. So, sin seems awesome sometimes, but it will ultimately lead us farther and farther away from the one and only God of this universe. Of course on earth we will never be able to not sin, but there’s a difference in continuing to sin versus trying to turn away from that sin. Continuing to sin, continuing to lie, cheat, steal, etc., is a sign that the person doing those things values their own desires over God. Trying to turn away from those sins is a sign that the person doing that desires God more than their own pleasure. And this leads into my second point, sin does not equal happiness. Living in sin may seem fun, but eventually we would hit rock bottom. Living for God may seem boring and dumb, but God is someone who we are able to find true peace, love, joy, and so much more in. Living for Him makes me so happy. Living for Him gives me comfort. Living for Him stretches my boundaries, and that’s where loving sinners comes in. I continuously try to love and accept everyone. I try not to care about the sins people have done. I try not to look down on others. It’s hard, but I’m turning away from those sinful ways. College is going to put me in new and strange situations, but no matter what I learn about others, I will strive to live like Jesus in my relationships with these people. The thing is, people can and do change. Something that infuriates me is when people never let someone live down something that they did years ago. Maybe this person did something like drinking underage, and they get known for being someone who drinks. Well, a few years later or maybe just a few months later, that person has changed. But the thing is, some people won’t give that person a second chance and they will forever be known as someone who drinks. Maybe the person changed because they came to know Christ, and now these other Christians are putting this person down because the person drinks. Fellow Christians aren’t accepting this person in, and ultimately leading this new Christ follower away from what seems like a hypocritical and false way of life. This is not okay! This is wrong on so many levels, but this actually happens! This can even happen when the person has been a Christian their whole life. They might stumble and sin and then realize that what they’ve done was a huge mistake, and they’ll turn away from that, but a lot of times, depending on the sin and if anyone finds out, that person can be pretty much shunned by their church family. People get looked down upon at church if they look a certain way, act a certain way, or have sinned in a certain way, but that should not happen. That’s not what Jesus taught us to do. As Christians, as a church family, we should have open arms to anyone who walks into those doors. If we aren’t doing that then we aren’t following Christ with our whole heart. People change. God changes people. We need to help newcomers and each other grow closer to God every single day. We are a family. God is our Father. We need to accept others no matter what they do. Let’s change the world one person at a time.

Last week I went to Camp War Eagle, and let’s just say I was nervous. Being more of an introvert can be hard at times, but that shouldn’t have the power to stop me from making friends and having fun. But I was nervous. I was nervous about who I was going to be rooming with, who was going to be in my small group, meeting people, talking to people all day, registering for classes, and making my first college friends. The only thing I wasn’t at all worried about was the food, which is normal for me. So, since I’m in the honors college I had to go early on the day before for honors orientation. I wasn’t very excited since that meant even more time at Camp War Eagle, but I knew it had to be done and I would have fun no matter what. Well, I had fun, I made friends, and I learned a lot. My roommates were awesome, even though I didn’t see them very often, but it was all good. I got to catch up with a few of my friends from Hoover, along with making new friends and learning all about them. It’s amazing how two random people can make an instant connection and realize that they have a handful of similarities. I kept meeting people that I had never met, but it turned out that we were both friends with the same person from back home. God put specific people in my life and it made the whole experience that much more memorable and fun. One of my downfalls is that I know that God will take care of me and be with me no matter what, but I still get nervous, anxious, and I worry. I remind myself almost daily that God’s got this. I trust Him with all my heart since I 100% know that He will bring me through whatever the situation is, yet I still desire to have control of my life for some reason. I hate that, but I pray and pray and pray for God to help me overcome that. I was worried about Camp War Eagle, but God immediately got rid of that fear as soon as I talked to that first person. Everything just fell into place, and like that I have a handful of new friends who I can’t wait to hang out with this Fall. God had it all in His hands. I would so do the whole thing again, minus the extreme heat and all of the walking, but it was just so much fun going up to random people and meeting them for the first time. It was awesome. The whole 2 1/2 days I was there made me get more and more excited for college. I’m ready to go! Let’s do this God. Show me what you can do. Use me for your plan. I’m here for You and You alone. I move in in exactly 1 month, and I can’t wait. I may be nervous some days, but I know that God’s got this. His plan is better than mine, and I have no control. If I had my way, I would be in Hoover right now and I would be rooming with my best friend in the Fall. Too bad. I’m where I need to be, and I’m rooming with the person I need to be rooming with. God’s plan is awesome, my plan is nothing. So, I turn to Him no matter the circumstances. He has always been with me, He is with me now, and He will be with me for the rest of eternity. That’s all I know about my future, but that’s all I need to know. God’s got this.

This past week I wanted to see how God would use me. I prayed for opportunities, but at surface level it seemed like none were coming. Finally on Friday I realized what my job was: to pray. On Friday we went shopping at a mall and there was this woman in her mid 20’s who helped us at one of the stores. I didn’t notice anything about her besides the fact that she had bright red neon hair and seemed like a really cool and down to earth person, but later my mom told me that her arms had scars from cutting herself. I had been completely oblivious and hadn’t even noticed. I immediately began to feel bad for not noticing and making that encounter an opportunity to minister to her or maybe even pray with her, but then I started to think about the whole situation. Yes, praying with her would have made an impact on her life, but I don’t feel like it would have been my place to minister to her. Anyways I could not shake her from my mind, and I realized that I just needed to pray for her. I started praying for someone to come into her life that could minister to her and show her what real love is. I pray that she will find comfort in God rather than the things of this world or even cutting herself. Ever since I realized that my place was to pray for her I’ve been praying for her daily; that’s all I can do now, but it feels right. I don’t know what God will do in her life, and most likely I will never find out if she comes to know Him, but people always need prayer. God always listens to our prayers. I can’t put enough emphasis on that: God ALWAYS listens to our prayers. He may not answer them like we want, but that’s because our plans aren’t always His plans. But that doesn’t make our prayers any less important. Prayer is what we turned to while we were in London. We learned that prayer is essential, and prayer walking was always incorporated into our schedule each day because prayer is so important. People appreciate being prayed for. If you tell someone that you’re praying for them (which should mean that you are actually praying for them and not that you simply just told them that you were praying for them) or if you pray with them at that moment, they are almost always so grateful. That is because people love to be thought of, and anyways it makes God happy too. God loves when we tell Him how our day went or ask Him to help us with something. He already knows what we need or think, but just the fact that we are completely dependent on Him is joyful in His sight. God wants us to come to Him for everything, we were not made to be independent. God wants us to pray to Him and only Him, and this makes me discovering my purpose here so much better. God wants me to pray for the people I see. He wants me to bring those people to Him. I may not know the people I pray for, but that in no way means I can’t pray for them. I spend a good bit of time laying out on the beach nowadays, which is a perfect opportunity for prayer walking, or in my case prayer sitting/laying. I have so many chances to pray for all the people I see everyday, and that’s what God wants me to do. It may not seem like very much, but this type of mission work is simply rock moving. Rock moving might look pointless, but without moving rocks, nothing can be built there. God cares. He wants all of His children to be brought up to Him in prayer. I don’t care if the people I pray for don’t ever meet God or are completely against anything God related, I will still pray. Prayer doesn’t hurt anyone or offend anyone, and it’s what God has given us. We as Christians are supposed to pray. We’re supposed to pray for ourselves, our families, our friends, strangers, leaders, the world, everything. We are given a responsibility and that’s to pray, so that’s what I’ll do. I’m going to pray. I probably won’t see the outcome of my prayers, but that’s not about to stop me. I will pray.

Lately change has been a large part of my life. I went on my first international mission trip, I took my last AP exams, I finished high school, I graduated, my family moved out of our house, we stayed in a friend’s house for a week, I went on my last Chi Alpha mission trip, and last week we officially moved to the Gulf. Nothing is normal. I lived in Hoover for 13 years, that’s all I’ve ever known, and now I’ve been uprooted and taken to Loxley. This wasn’t a surprise or anything, we’ve been planning this move for at least 3 years, but now that we’re actually experiencing it, it’s just plain weird. I’m one of those people who doesn’t really believe that something is actually going to happen until it happens, for example I didn’t believe that I was going to London until I stepped foot off the plane in London, and then I actually knew that it was happening. That’s the same way with this move and going to college, I never really thought that these things would happen, but look where we are now. I’m living about 4 hours away from the place I call “home.” That’s where my friends are, that’s where my church family is, that’s the place I grew up, that’s the place where I learned how to drive, that’s the place that I have memorized like the back of my hand. Hoover is mine. Hoover is my home. But now it’s not supposed to be. Loxley is supposed to be mine, I guess. Loxley is supposed to be my home, I think. It’s where my family is. It’s where my cat, Squirrel, is. The cats and the dog know that this is home, they’ve all found their new spots to sleep in and know how to get back home when they go outside, but I haven’t. I live in Loxley, I’m from Hoover, I was born in Mobile, and my heart is still in London. This is a mess, and I can’t help but laugh and cry all at the same time. This finally feels like the beginning of a lifetime of change. Once I get accustomed to living here I’ll just have to move off to Auburn. And then I’ll live in my dorm for two semesters, go somewhere for the summer, and do it all over again until I hopefully graduate in 2019. That’s my plan, but only God knows what will truly happen. Anyways, I have absolutely no idea what’ll happen after I graduate from college. Get a job? Get married? Move somewhere crazy? No idea. But that’s just fine. It’s not my job to know everything or plan really anything. Anything that I plan can easily be wiped away by something that God already had planned for me. Isn’t that absolutely awesome? God is in complete control so I don’t have to be. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t plan, but it just means that my plans aren’t set in stone. I should be open to and accepting of whatever God brings me. And I’m okay with that. But anyways, I don’t know when the next time I will truly be settled down will be, which is slightly unsettling, but if I keep my heart and mind open, who knows what will happen. I’m ready for whatever comes at me. If God wants me to do something that’s not in my plan, yes it’ll probably be hard and possibly heartbreaking, but I know that God’s will is oh so much more important than what I want and I will say yes to God. Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes! Use me Lord for whatever you need. If that’s here in Loxley, I’ll do it. If that’s in Auburn, I’ll do it. If that’s in a different state, or maybe even country, I’ll do it. I want to be God’s hands and feet. I already am God’s hands and feet, but sometimes I forget that He is more important than me or my comfort. Nothing is about me, I want my life to only point toward God and His strength, power, love, grace, mercy, and everything else that He has and is. I’m weak, I can’t do anything by myself, but that’s where God comes in. God uses us to do His work even though we are nothing. I’m not worthy of His love, but God’s love is soooo immense that we can’t even fully understand it. I love the idea that we can’t comprehend everything about God. If I knew everything about God and how everything works, I would either be God or be His equal, and I’m glad that neither of those are true. Some people ask questions about how the trinity works, or why God made Satan, and tons of little, detailed questions, and all I can say is, I’m not supposed to know! That’s not my job, all I need to know is that God is a merciful and loving God who sent his only Son, who is God, to live on earth as a human, 100% human and 100% God, so that He could take the place of our sins so that we can live eternally in Heaven with Him. That fact is why I live. That fact is the reason I live how I live. That fact is the reason I love how I love. How amazing is that? I can’t help but praise God and thank Him everyday. He is amazing, flawless, perfect, constant, everything that I need and want. God fills me, so no matter if I feel like I don’t belong where I am, I know that He is there, and that there is some important reason that I am right here right now. God is the reason I’m here, which is enough for me. This is the beginning, this is the end, this is the middle. This is life, this is me living Christian.